Quotations
by faketreefinger
Summary: It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say..." GSR, Post Grave Danger. Rated M for sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: _**The story behind this fic is this: I recently read my first fic, "Ache and Intentions" and although I know it wasn't _half_ bad, lol, and some people thought it was good... I was unimpressed. It wrote it like a year and a half ago. This is kind of my way of re-writing a similar situation. Sure, it's different, but the premise is indeed similar. This one may suck worse, I don't know. I actually like it better. And I enjoyed writing it. Hell, I was just glad my muse was still hanging around eventhough Sara isn't. So I hope you like it. Please, feedback is the juice.

Also, this is not really a WIP. So don't feel the need to avoid it because it is a chapter story. It is completely written. I am just posting it in increments. Yes. I'm mean.

PS. I totally have Bradley Cooper (you know the guy from Alias?) in mind for the role of Danny Wilson. Anyway, on with it...

_Quotations_

by faktreefinger

_"Even if your hands are shaking  
And your faith is broken  
Even as the eyes are closing  
Do it with a heart wide open  
A wide heart__  
Say what you need to say"_

_Say_, John Mayer

Sara Sidle picked up a stack of papers and shuffled them together, knocking them on the break room table to organize them better. Her right hand slid down the side of the stack and an acute pain tore across her palm.

"Ouch!" she cried out involuntarily.

Almost instantly, the man in front of her spun around, eyes wide with concern, his coffee sloshing over the edges of the mug.

"What happened?" he asked as his eyebrows scrunched together and Sara let out a chuckle as she saw his jaw clench, the minor burn on his hand being neglected.

"Just a paper cut, I'm fine," she said with an eye roll, but an appreciative smile.

Danny Wilson sat down across the table and wiped his hand on a stray Burger King napkin. Setting the mug down, he took her hand and inspected it. Sara rolled her eyes again and yanked her hand away.

"Really… just a paper cut!"

"Alright, alright!" he smiled and took a sip from his mug. "You finishing up?"

"Yes, finally," she answered and let out a sigh of relief, "Because unlike you, I am not on the day shift and I have been here for _long_ enough."

"That doesn't sound like Sara Sidle to me," Danny said, leaning back casually in his chair and placing his Nike Shox on the edge of the table.

Sara stood up and neatly placed her paperwork in a manila folder. "Oh yeah, what do you know about Sara Sidle. You've only been here, what? A month? And we don't even work on the same shift."

"Two months. And it says a lot to me that I see you at least four times a week when by all accounts you should be out the door by the time I get here."

Sara placed her folder in a black messenger back and threw it over her shoulder. She didn't know if he was implying that she was a workaholic, but she didn't care to deny. Why bother_, _she thought. So she responded wryly, "Well, technically we should at least pass each other in the parking lot."

A smile spread across the lightly colored stubble on Danny's cheeks and he put the mug down. Leaning back into the table, he put his chin in his hand and stared at her for a moment. The smile looked dangerously adoring. Of course, Sara hadn't been blind to the fact that Danny had a bit of a crush on her. He flirted with her persistently and every time he saw her he attempted to converse with her some way or another. A casual touch on her arm or a playful nudge was common as well.

She couldn't deny a bit of attraction for the man. He was casual and he didn't seem quite as intense as everything and everyone else in her life at the moment. He was tall, taller than her with short, 

well-kempt, sandy hair that looked soft and warm. His green eyes were animated by his brow, which shot up or down whenever he found something interesting.

He was attractive and was made even more attractive by his attraction to her.

Still, there was always something to hold her back and she loathed having to turn him down if he ever asked her out. Which is why she felt like really should stop flirting back and forth with him, but she was still human after all and it felt good to be shown some attention every once in a while, especially after being rebuked by the one person you wished _would_.

But she didn't want… no… she couldn't _afford_ to go there.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Sara asked, mindlessly adjusting the strap on her bag and feeling a bit uncomfortable under his gaze.

"I was just thinking about what you said, about me not knowing anything about Sara Sidle…"

_Oh no, here it comes_.

"I'd like to change that," he said effortlessly.

Sara bit the inside of her mouth, unsure of what to say. Mainly because she was unsure of what she _wanted_ to say to him.

"Let's go to lunch," he suggested, his palm face up in the air as if he was offering it to her on a platter. His eyes sparkled a dark emerald green, wide and encouraging.

"I, uh..." she cleared her throat and adjusted the bag because it suddenly felt heavy on her shoulder. Absent-mindedly, she kicked the chair lightly with the toe of her shoe.

"You aren't married, are you?"

"No! No, no, no…"

"Have a boyfriend?" he asked, this time wincing as if he hadn't actually considered this.

Sara shook her head slowly.

Relief washed over his face. "Are you a nun?"

An unexpected laugh left Sara's throat. "Yeah, I'm a nun who moonlights as a crime scene investigator."

Danny laughed and took once last sip of his coffee. He got up and placed the mug in the sink, not bothering to rinse it. Turning back to her, he slipped his hands in his faded jeans and leaned against the counter. He exuded confidence and Sara thought that was part of his appeal. Everyone loves confidence, especially those that have decreasing amounts of it. And he was different. He seemed so out of place in a place like Las Vegas. He looked more like a park ranger or a marine biologist. The color of his skin, naturally tan, was like a tattoo of California. His hair, a sandy blonde color, looked kissed by the sun.

Overall, he looked as if he didn't belong in Sin City and she felt sorry for him because she knew he would change. His relaxed features would tense over time and his skin would toughen under the desert sun.

She wondered if people had thought of her this way when she first arrived in Vegas. Well, if they had, they had been right. Vegas had a way of wearing you down so that you constantly expected bad things instead of good.

The most recent "bad thing" was Nick's abduction. It was a sore that everyone in the lab had bandaged and now, nearly a month later, the bandages were starting to fall off and things were beginning to feel okay again. Except Sara had felt a dark pain well up inside of her, a pain that she couldn't bear to approach just yet. It was loneliness and hopelessness. The fact that they had found Nick in time, while it was a relief and a blessing, was not the point. She had been approached and reminded of her own mortality and the mortality of those she loved.

Though it was Nick in that box, well, it could have been anyone. And the result... may have been different.

But she hadn't really talked about it because in all honesty, she really only wanted to talk to Grissom. With a secret feeling of guilt, Grissom was who she imagined fighting for air in a Plexiglas coffin and she was sure the dark feelings that were creeping in the back of her mind would go away soon, if only she could gather some reassurance from Grissom. Unfortunately, no matter how far they had come in their friendship over the past year, after Nick's abduction he had faded away into his office rarely surfacing even for field work and she couldn't bring herself to try and force him out of whatever state he was in. She couldn't bring herself to be vulnerable to him any longer… when he would give nothing in return.

Danny looked easily at her and cocked his head to the side curiously. "It's just lunch. Who turns down a free lunch?"

She stared back, opening her mouth without a reply formed. After a short sigh, she smiled.

Danny pushed away from the counter and grabbed a balled up napkin from the table. He held it up and pointed to the trash can in the corner by the door. "Okay if I make this, you have to go to lunch with me. If I miss—"

"Oh, come on," Sara said with a laugh.

He scowled, holding the napkin. "Actually…" he put down the napkin and picked up a stray packet of hot sauce, "I'm gonna use this."

Sara decided to play along, finding a rare type of joy in shenanigans like this. "Okay, fine, but you have to stand at the sink."

His head cocked to the side. "I love a challenge." He backed up.

"You were saying, 'If I miss'…"

"Right, if I miss, I'll wash your car," he said and immediately threw the package of hot sauce towards the trash can, making it in.

"Oh, yes!" he looked at her with a smile, then a mock frown of pity. "Guess you'll be washing your own car, Sidle."

Sara laughed and gave her head a shake.

"I played basketball in high school," he added.

She really did find him fun so she smiled genuinely at him. "Fine, you shark. When?"

A broad smile spread across his face. "Now. It's my lunch break."

"Now?" her eyebrows came together and she shrugged. "No, I'm too tired, I think I'm just gonna—"

"You're also hungry," Danny interrupted.

"I am?"

"Trust me, you're starving. You want a nice juicy hamburger," he said walking over to her and gently taking her by the wrist leading her out the door.

Sara scowled. "Doubtful. I don't eat meat."

He turned to her, his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened comically. "Reeaaally?"

"I'm a vegetarian."

"See? I'm learning already!"

They laughed and didn't pay much attention as they rounded the corner. Danny placed a hand on the small of Sara's back and she almost ran into Grissom, whose head was lowered into the file folder in front of him.

"Whoa!" Sara said, stopping short, and Danny grabbed her arm instinctively to stop her from plowing into her boss.

Grissom's head shot up in alarm and the folder nearly flew out of his hands. Sara noticed his eyes practically dart to the tan fingers lightly grasping her forearm. Danny's hand lingered there longer than necessary and to the untrained eye, his fingers slowly grazing her bare flesh would have seemed innocent. But Grissom's eyes were anything but untrained. His eyebrows rose slightly, pushing his glasses down his nose further. He closed the folder, removed the glasses, and licked his lips, pressing them together. His eyes returned to Sara's face and they revealed something Sara wished she hadn't seen.

Jealous Grissom meant nothing to her. It just meant he would be awkward and grumpy around her. But it never pushed him into anything worthwhile. Indeed, Jealous Grissom was a bear.

Jealousy was worthless.

"Hey," he said, his composure returning at an unusually slow rate for him. He let the hand that held the folder drop to his side and added casually, "What are you still doing here?"

"I was just leaving," Sara said, meaning to sound just as cavalier but it came out rather rigid. She was uncomfortable and she realized it didn't exactly answer his question but really all she wanted was to continue walking down the hall and out the double doors as soon as possible.

Grissom gave a perfunctory nod and looked at Danny. His jaw seemed to clench. It was clear Grissom had no clue who the tall blonde man so casually invading her personal space was, so Sara reluctantly introduced them. "Grissom, this is Danny Wilson. Ecklie's new addition."

"Oh, nice to meet you. Gil Grissom." Grissom shifted the folder to his left hand and offered his right to Danny. Danny took it and smiled at him. "I'm surprised I haven't run into you yet."

_Well if you ventured out of your office for more than ten minutes_, Sara thought bitterly, wishing the unfortunate encounter would come to an abrupt end and then wondered if she was being ridiculous.

"Yeah, I've been here nearly two months. I was wondering when I would meet you. I've heard a lot about you," said Danny.

Sara immediately wished he hadn't said that because Grissom's eyes flicked over to hers and she realized what it implied. Well, she hadn't mentioned Grissom to Danny at all and honestly she didn't want Grissom to think she had.

Sara shifted uncomfortably and pulled at the strap of her bag.

"You're a big hit in the San Francisco lab. My supervisor talked about you a lot when it came to forensic entomology."

Sara turned sharply to Danny. "You're from San Francisco?"

He nodded. "Yep."

Sara thought that was an odd coincidence and said dryly, slightly under her breath, "Well, Dr. Grissom has quite a reputation in San Francisco."

She wasn't sure why she said it and Grissom looked at her curiously. A secret, almost nonexistent smile crossed his lips and their eyes locked. Sara was unaware of how they might have appeared to Danny for those few seconds, but she cursed the blush that crept up her cheeks caused by the relaxed, nostalgic look in Grissom's eyes.

Slightly annoyed by this relapse, Sara broke eye contact and turned to Danny. "We better go; your lunch hour is fading away by the second."

"Right," Danny replied, a good-natured smile on his face. "Be seeing you," he said to Grissom.

Sara bit her lip and brought her hand up to wave goodbye at Grissom. "See you tonight," she said to him, her voice sounding small to her own ears.

Sara was embarrassed and she hated the fact that she had made it clear to Grissom that she and Danny were going somewhere together. She hadn't meant to do that, it just slipped out that way. She wasn't trying to make Grissom jealous.

Well, at least not consciously.

She slipped past Grissom with a weak, fake smile and headed down the hallway and out the door with Danny. Slipping on her sunglasses and taking a deep breath of hot, dry air, she turned to Danny and asked, "So where do you want to go?"

"You're the picky eater. You choose." He nudged her shoulder with his playfully and she smiled crookedly at him.

"Okay, I know a place."

"I'll drive," he said, pulling keys out of his pocket.

Sara followed Danny to a sleek, dark blue Honda Civic in the front row of the parking lot. He opened the passenger door for her and she slipped inside the hot interior of the car. The car smelled and looked brand new. She relaxed her tired head on the headrest and waited for him to enter the car.

He slid into the driver's side and looked at Sara. "Where we headed?"

"Take a right at the light over there."

A moment passed and the silence seemed heavy, like an unwanted question was about to be asked. Her instincts were clearly right, when he cleared his throat and glanced at her. "So, what's with Grissom?"

Well, that was a loaded question. "What do you mean?"

"He seemed to be a bit…disgruntled. Were you picking that up?"

Sara thought about how to answer. Of course she noticed. She knew a little something about the looks Grissom tended to give when he found something disagreeable. The moment his eyes caught the sight of Danny Wilson touching her arm… she recognized the slight jaw clench and the feigning of indifference. Well, his eyes had been just as disloyal as they always were. Although his face was relaxed and calm, the embodiment of unconcern, his eyes whispered surreptitiously. And this time they had told her he didn't much care for the fact that Danny Wilson was standing so close to her, or that he had touched her.

Well, maybe she was projecting a little but either way she knew that deep down, Gil Grissom had a feeling of belonging when it came to her and she couldn't even be angry about it because she felt the same way over him.

But she really was trying to forget about that and move the hell along with her life. _That is why Danny Wilson is a good idea after all_, she told herself.

So she shrugged and smiled a little, making it clear that there was nothing there to be read into when it came to Gil Grissom. "He kind of lives in his head. He was probably just distracted by a case."

"Oh. Well he's your boss. You outta know."

"So, do you like sushi?" she asked cheerily, changing the subject away from her boss.

The man that she loved… and would just have to get over it.

Yes, Danny Wilson was a good idea. He had to be.

**TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

The following night, Sara walked into the crime lab feeling tired, but light. She felt like any woman feels when a new, fun man emerges in her life and gives her a sense of allure. Taking a seat at the break room table, she waited for her co-workers to arrive. Idly, she flipped through a gossip magazine, not really looking at the glossy pages. Instead, she was thinking about the forty-five minutes or so she had spent with Danny Wilson at her favorite sushi bar.

The date had been fun. The most fun she had had in a long time. He had kept the conversation light and comical, only touching on basic information like where she grew up, did she have siblings, where she went to school. Just as she would feel herself getting uncomfortable and unable to divulge anymore about herself, he would instinctively begin talking about himself. They would joke back and forth and talked a great deal about San Fransisco (and their mutual disdain for the nickname "Frisco"). It was nice and easy. Stress free. After she had left him to go home and sleep, she found herself thinking about him and her and if she could truly pursue a relationship with Danny.

She decided she would try and although her feelings for Grissom were never truly absolved, perhaps Danny was what she needed to move on.

Sara was snapped out of her thoughts as Greg and Nick, followed by Warrick entered the room. Greg plopped into the chair beside her and grabbed the magazine out from under her nose.

"You're not reading this crap, are you?" he said, throwing her a look of mock admonishment.

"No, I'm just waiting for Grissom to crawl out from under his rock and tell me what to do."

"I hear ya," Warrick said with a laugh, "I feel like we've seen about five hours of him collectively since… you know…" he gave Nick a glance.

Nick had only been back from his leave for a week, but he looked rested, restored, and, well… normal. Like it never happened. But Sara knew it was too soon for that and he was most likely still screaming underneath. Nick's good looks and pleasant southern demeanor never seemed to erode like hers did from the harsh desert wind. And though he had every reason to hate the world and love it at the same time, she supposed he probably just still loved it and would move on at an admirable rate from his traumatic nightmare. She, however, could not stop thinking about it.

Nick laid a hand on Warrick's shoulder and gave a smile. "You know Grissom. He's just stuck in his head right now."

Sara scoffed inwardly, thinking about what she had said to Danny. Taking a sip from her coffee mug, she smiled with the memory of him giving her a hug and a kiss on the forehead before departing. He had smelled like cinnamon and leather.

"So what's this I hear about you and Dan Wilson from dayshift?" asked Greg, sliding the magazine away and leaning his chin on his hand. He grinned puckishly and Sara rolled her eyes.

"How the _hell_ do you know about that?" Sara asked, truly baffled considering they had only gone out about twelve hours ago. And Greg wasn't even in the building at the time.

Grissom shuffled into the break room without much notice, but Sara could always feel him enter a room. She hated talking about her love life, and hated to talk about it even more when Grissom was near.

_Great timing, Greggo._

"I have my sources," he said, the grin growing. Sara sighed and shot him a dangerous look. He sat up and a look of genuine interest crossed his face. "Seriously, Sara, I think it's cool. I like the guy."

"Hey Griss," she heard Nick say and he turned to her and asked, "What guy is that? I missed it." He sat down in front of her with a mug of coffee.

All eyes were on her, even Grissom's and she felt like spontaneously combusting. Her ears and cheeks burned so badly she thought she might and she felt an urge to throw Greg through the glass wall behind them and make a run for it. But of course, that would only make matters worse, so she forcefully scooted back from her chair and glared at the young CSI. She walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water.

"No one," she mumbled, making it clear that the topic was off limits.

After a brief pause, Grissom cleared his throat and very quietly said, "We have work to do. Greg, you're still working on the Baker case. Raymond Baker's SUV is in the garage as we speak."

"Got it boss," he said, immediately getting out of the chair and walking past Sara toward the door. He mouthed _I'm sorry _and she nodded as he passed her. Oh well, that's Greg. What can you do, she thought and listened for her assignment.

"Nick, Warrick, you have a double homicide at a nightclub called Tryst. Take your jumpsuits."

"Is it bad?" Warrick asked, grabbing the paper from Grissom's outstretched hand.

"According to Detective Brass… it's bloody," was all Grissom said with a shrug. "Catherine is off tonight, so try not to call her. Keep me updated."

"What are you up to tonight, Griss?" asked Nick, with casual curiosity.

Grissom looked at her, smiled almost apologetically, and said, "Sara and I have paperwork to do."

Sara saw Nick look wearily at Warrick, and they left, both patting her on the shoulder as if she was about to get a spanking. Well, even she felt that way. She figured this had something to do with her and Danny. Grissom wasn't above punishing her for having a romantic interest, she already knew that. But it was pretty damn unprofessional, and the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to ream him for it.

"What do you mean, 'Sara and I have paperwork'?" she asked him, trying to keep the incredulity in her voice in check.

"I thought it would be a nice break for you."

"You know me better than that, Griss," she replied with a scoff, following him out in the hallway. He remained quiet.

Finally, as they entered his dark office he said, "It isn't going to take all night." He sat down behind his desk and Sara wanted nothing more than to kick something, anything. "When we are done you can join Greg."

She stood in front of him, staring at him with an eyebrow raised. She looked pissed, she knew it, but she didn't care. She thought he was being ridiculous. He looked back at her, almost bashfully and leaned back in his chair.

"Look," he began and sighed loudly, "I really need someone to help me with these phone records. There are a lot of them. And if I am honest, you are the only one I can stand to work with for hours at a time right now."

He had said it rather easily, as if it were obvious. Sara's heart skipped a beat, though she tried to ignore it. It was one of those things Grissom did to her. He said things or did things and caught her off guard. Like that time he said she was beautiful, or that he "needed her", or when he sent her that plant. He was looking at her with pleading eyes, but his face remained undaunted. She saw him swallow, almost nervously, and a small smile graced her lips. She felt bad now and wasn't sure if she really should. But it didn't matter because although her head was telling her his random affectionate comments meant very little, her heart felt more and more warmth the longer he looked at her with those earnest blue eyes.

It was Grissom, and she could rarely say no to him.

"Okay, let's get started," she said, pushing back all of those fake feelings of disdain she was trying so hard to convince herself she had.

Grissom smiled and slid a stack of papers across the desk. "Thank you."

Three hours later, they were still hunched over mounds of paperwork. Sara felt her stomach rumbling and her eyes were beginning to feel sore. She glanced up at the man in front of her. His face was set in a serious expression and he seemed oblivious to her presence, but every now and then he would look up at her and smile appreciatively, or discuss his findings. His voice was hoarse and his eyes were tired. Taking a dangerous moment to observe him, Sara realized how much older he looked and how rigid his features had become over the past few weeks. Glancing down at his attire, she shook her head. He hadn't changed clothes since last night. His beard was slightly less unkempt than it usually was. The man looked downright exhausted.

Sara put down the highlighter and the stack of paper. "Hey, Grissom?"

"Hmm?" he said, without looking up.

"You didn't go home today, did you?" she asked gently but frankly, not even bothering to test the waters.

He glanced up at her over the rim of his glasses and after a moment answered, "Sure I did." He looked at her briefly and continued what he was doing. It was a deliberately unconvincing reply. The kind of lie a person told when the other person knew the answer already.

She cocked her head to the side and thought about how to proceed with him, if at all. "You were wearing that shirt yesterday."

His eyes left the page, but he didn't look up. He looked a bit aggravated and it occurred to her that this was perhaps why he didn't want to work with anyone alone. She didn't want to nag him the way Catherine might, but she was worried about him. She decided she would tell him just that.

"I'm not trying to nag you," she said quietly, returning to her work, "Just worried, that's all."

A long moment passed where all she could hear was the highlighter scraping across her paper and the slight squeak it made when she reached the end of a sentence. She could practically feel Grissom thinking on the other side of the desk, but she didn't raise her head to look at him.

Finally, he said with a sort of resignation, "No, I didn't go home."

Slowly, Sara raised her eyes. In all honesty, she was shocked by his admission. She had wanted some raw honesty from Grissom but didn't really think she would get it. When she looked at him, she was surprised to find him looking right back at her. He looked a bit defeated as he removed his glasses, tossed them on the desk, and leaned back in his chair. He laced his fingers together and rested them over his abdomen. She followed him in relaxing her own frame a bit in her chair and they just sat there for a moment in a comfortable silence, looking at each other.

He had a slightly comical look on his face as he said, "But I don't know that you should be throwing stones…"

"What do you mean? I went home."

He smiled. "You left here pretty late. And as I understand it you weren't even on your way home."

She was surprised. Shocked, once again. She had not expected Grissom to bring up Danny, even in the roundabout way that he did. She raised her eyebrow and considered him and his cool tone of voice. "Well at least I slept, if only a little."

His head cocked to the side and he pursed his lips before replying lightly, "I said I didn't go home; I didn't say I didn't sleep."

Sara pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile. Their back and forth was kind of fun, kind of childish in a way one didn't expect to be with Gil Grissom. Anymore. But a sudden and overwhelming feeling of sadness came over her. That was happening lately, often after a feeling of happiness. Even with Danny earlier. It was as if her brain was insistent on reminding her that there was something tremendously important that she had dared to forget. The feeling was not unlike the feeling you get when you suddenly remembered you locked her keys in your apartment, or that you had left your stove turned on. It felt dreadful.

"Look…" Sara started, and sighed. She felt like she had a lot to say and didn't really know where to begin. "I feel like I need to talk about something."

Grissom raised his eyebrows and sat back up in his chair. He leaned on his desk and Sara expected to see Grissom return to "supervisor mode." What she really saw was just…Grissom. His eyes looked a sort of cerulean color that sparkled in the low light of the desk lamp and the bags under them were enhanced by the shadows. His featured relaxed and though he looked weary and jaded, there was a gentleness that he exuded, calming her and silently encouraging her to continue.

"I feel like I need to talk about what happened a few weeks ago… to Nick… to all of us…" she said and he nodded almost instantly, as if he had been expecting it. She took a long pause and inhaled a breath. Looking down at her hands, which she had been wringing without even realizing it, she said, quietly, "I feel guilty."

"Sara," he said, the astonishment apparent in his voice, "why on Earth should you feel _guilty_?"

The tone of his voice gave way to a few tears in her eyes. He sounded so concerned, so forgiving of something he didn't even know. The truth was that she felt guilty, thinking about Grissom when Nick was the one who had truly suffered. She could feel the emotion welling up inside of her and she wiped the tears that had begun their descent down her face. There was the realization that she had been silent far too long, but the lump in her throat kept her from continuing. She heard Grissom roll his chair backward and he rounded the desk, sitting in the chair beside hers.

"Hey," he said to her, his voice gentle and even a little bit tender. She looked up at him with wet eyes as she sucked her bottom lip in nervously. "Sara, what's on your mind?"

There was a pause, and Sara looked up at him, then to the side, focusing on the random objects strewn about his desk. A textbook on Geosystems. _What the hell is that for?_ His Supervisor name plate. It seemed so out of character for Grissom to have a name plate, she thought, so formal. Something he didn't need. The skull of what looked to her like a Meerkat sat innocently on the corner like a paperweight. Such odd things, she thought, and her distraction made her smile briefly. She felt a subtle, unbidden warmth envelope her right hand and she looked down to see that Grissom had taken her hand in his.

Sara looked at him with a small smile, not of happiness, but of embarrassment. Admission that perhaps she was being too sensitive. Maybe she was ridiculous, she thought. Rolling her eyes at herself and wiping a tear away, she said, "Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty. But I do."

"Why?"

She sighed heavily. "Because after we found Nick, I was really happy and thankful, but now I can't stop thinking… it could have been any of us. And if it had been someone else, things might have been different." Sara hadn't intended on sounding vague and wished she had expressed herself more clearly.

His thumb made a slow, affectionate motion on the back of her hand and the simple gesture gave her pause. She didn't necessarily want to think about it, but she did. Grissom was acting different, she thought. The conclusion could have been, of course, that it was a _good_ different. But somehow it felt wrong to her. Like it was all just a passing fancy brought on by jealousy and rare, vulnerable moments. But the way he was looking at her now, like he knew exactly how she felt, made her feel warm and understood. The way any woman wants to feel at the end of the day, she surmised, and she wondered how Grissom had struck this chord. He seemed to her the most clueless man she had ever met. The way he was touching her, though, so delicately and so tenderly, gave rise to a lump in her throat and struck the same chord, leaving a sweet resonance throughout her entire body… all the way to her extremities.

Finally, as if sensing that the connection they were sharing was too much for either of them to manage, Grissom slowly sat back in his chair. Retreated, like he always would, thought Sara, without the bitterness she once held.

"I don't think you should feel guilty," said with a slightly hoarse voice. He looked unsettled and she couldn't place why. "You really shouldn't."

A crooked smile found its way on her lips. "But I do." There was a pregnant pause and she crossed her legs with feigned carelessness, like she was somehow making the moment anything less than it was by being casual. It bothered her that she would do that when she had been waiting for a moment like this to really talk to Grissom. Realizing her folly and the fact that she had been less than plain about her exact feelings, she said to him flatly and deliberately, "Of course, you know I am talking about you."

After an intake of breath, Grissom leaned over in his seat, resting his elbows on his thighs. He rubbed his hands together slowly. Back and forth… back and forth. She watched, hypnotized by his simple movements.

Without thinking about it, a grave admission slipped past her lips. "I just keep thinking about you. Trapped. Like Nick."

"You would have found me."

"I don't know."

"But I do," he said, so simple and so assured that she almost felt convinced that he was right. "You helped find Nick just as much as I did. And so did everyone else."

"Griss…" she said with a sigh and looked at him, the crooked smile returning, "Now is not the time to be humble."

"I'm not—" he stopped suddenly and looked down. The careful consideration of his words was etched on his face. He pushed himself up from the chair and said easily, "You would have found me." Standing over her, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Why don't we take a break from this… go find out how Greg is coming along?"

Sara didn't know if he was ending the conversation for her benefit or his, but she decided it didn't matter because she did feel a little better when she looked up to find a small smile on his face. He offered his hand to help her out of the chair and she grabbed it.

It felt nice.

"Why don't we get something to eat first?" she asked.

He nodded and put his left hand up in the air, signaling her to walk in front of him. "After you."


	3. Chapter 3

Two weeks later, she was feeling increasingly better. She had gotten it off her chest, the burden had been lifted… but Grissom was still the same. She had hoped during their meal alone together after she had poured her heart out, he would supply his own thoughts and feelings. But Grissom was Grissom and that just wasn't something he did. She could live with that, if only he had showed some signs of improvement.

He still retreated to his office and kept solemnly quiet during field work. Grissom was a man of few words. He always chose his words carefully, something Sara admired. And now, he only seemed to speak when absolutely necessary. Perfunctory, forced sentences but with soft and exhausted facial expressions. She would, however, catch him looking at her sometimes. They were quiet looks of curiosity and when she looked up, she would smile crookedly at him. His response would be the same small smile as he ducked his head and continued working. It was a bashful, crooked smile, she thought. She tried not to look too far into it and was surprisingly successful, she thought.

Catherine had probably nagged him about crawling out of his shell. She had probably said a thing or two about his attitude. She had _probably_ told him how worried everyone was. If none of that worked, well, there was little she could do about it. She had said to him all she could say.

So she passed by his office (he didn't appear to be there anyway) and walked out the double doors into the arid, new summer air. She reached her car, already sweating from the short distance, and felt two hands suddenly grab her hips.

"Hey, cutie!" the man said, and she spun around in his arms with a reluctant smile on her face.

"Hey there," she said to Danny, genuinely happy to see him. She rolled her eyes inwardly at the nickname he had supplied her.

A short kiss landed on her lips, surprising her. Her eyes widened as he pulled back, but he looked at her as if it was an everyday occurrence.

They had been dating for two weeks, now. A lot of casual dinners, a few cheap lunches, and a handful of kisses at the car or door, but nothing serious. Sara was trying and she supposed with time she could get used to it, she would feel something for him with time, something deeper. She really did like him and after all, was there really anything else that mattered at that point?

"You leaving?" he asked, cocking his head to the side and leaning up against her car door.

"Yeah, long night. We still have a lot of work to do. I'm just going home to eat and take a little nap."

"Ah well, I guess I won't be seeing you tonight, huh?"

She gave him an apologetic smile. "Probably not."

Sara glanced to the side and saw Grissom exiting his car, briefcase in hand. He was about fifty feet from her, but perhaps he felt her presence the same way she felt his because he instantly looked over at her and Danny, gave a friendly nod, and continued walking. Danny spun his head around, interested in why Sara was looking over his shoulder.

"That man never goes home," he murmured.

Sara laughed. A short, evasive laugh that was probably rather transparent if one cared to pick it apart. "This is his home."

Danny was oblivious. He turned back to her, acknowledged her comment with a brief look of pity, and waved his hand. "Anyway," he said, "there is something I want to ask you…"

"What?"

"Nah, I'll ask you later once you've gotten some sleep." He dismissed it with another wave of his hand, and looked down a bit bashfully, something she hadn't seen in him before.

She rolled her eyes and smiled, crossing her arms in front of her. "What is it?"

"Later!" he laughed. His laugh sounded young and full, just what she needed, she thought. And it broadened her smile a little bit.

"Fine…"

He pushed himself off of her car door and winked at her. Setting his worn, brown leather bag down on the pavement, he grabbed her keys from her hand and opened the car door.

"Go home. Get some rest. Eat some food. Feed your fish," he told her and the sincere but lighthearted tone of his voice warmed her. "Not necessarily in that order."

"I don't have a fish."

He shrugged. "Get one." Danny grabbed her arm, gave a light squeeze, and walked away. Turning back to her, he yelled, "I'll call you later!"

With a sigh and a short laugh, she slipped into the stifling heat of her car and wondered if Grissom had seen Danny kiss her. Why that should matter, she didn't know.

_It shouldn't… but it does._

She didn't sleep much. After a few hours of tossing and turning, she gave up and headed back to the crime lab. She didn't know why, but she hoped Grissom was still there. Sara walked to his office and peered inside. He was slumped over, his head resting on his arms. Her eyes widened as she leaned against the doorframe. She was unsure of how to proceed, never having seen him asleep in his office before like this. If she woke him up, he would probably be a bit embarrassed but something inside of her really wanted to be the one to stir him awake. Maybe just to see what he looked like. Physically, she shook the thought from her head and quietly walked inside of his office. Sara bit her lip and smiled slightly. She reached her hand out and gently touched him on the shoulder. She couldn't help but note how warm his shirt felt and there was no point in trying to ignore how the warmth seemed to seep into her fingertips.

He sat up instantly in alarm.

"It's just me," she said quietly and calmly. "You OK?"

He ran a hand over his face and through his beard with a sigh. Exhaustedly, he responded, "I'm OK."

"I uh… I couldn't sleep. There's some evidence I want to look over."

He was still trying to rub the sleep from his face when he said, "Which evidence?"

"I thought I'd swab the blanket from Anna's bedroom, obsess over some photos..."

He looked at her and smiled slightly. The exhaustion was still there and she struggled with it. He needed to go home and rest. He needed to stop looking so pitiful because she wasn't used to it and it was beginning to disturb her.

"That's fine," he said.

"OK. I'll be in the layout room if you need me." It was an attempt to get him to talk, to let him know she was available to him, even though she knew it wouldn't work.

He nodded and she turned around, trying not to feel so sad. When she reached the door, he said, "Actually, I think I'll help you, if that's alright."

Sara turned back to him, her eyebrows rising. It _could_ be a job for two people, but it didn't really need to be. She was just going to do some swabbing, look at some photos. She was nowhere near her usual overtime quota since the past few weeks of dating Danny. It was really just a way to pass the time. And there was no way Grissom didn't know that.

"Um, OK, sure," she responded with a bit of cheer that she thought sounded slightly fake.

"I'll go grab the evidence from the locker and meet you in the layout room," Grissom said, extracting himself from the chair. His voice sounded gruff.

"Yeah, I'll get the files."

He passed by her with an unsure glance and she tried not to look too far into it as she neared the layout room. She was predictably unsuccessful.

He returned with the evidence and they stretched the blanket out without many words. She explained to him the reason she wanted to swab the blanket and he didn't protest. Deep down, she didn't think they would find anything but it was a good way to pass the time…it wasn't that big… and if they _did_ find something, well, it was quite the added bonus. So they began dividing sections and swabbing in comfortable silence.

Sara was slumped over her section and she began to feel it. His eyes were on her. He was looking at her in that way again and although she usually just looked up and smiled, she was feeling a little too confused to do that this time. So she looked up and caught him looking at her, just as she had thought she would. Sara raised an eyebrow and he didn't duck his head. His eyes flicked downward for a moment, but they returned to hold her gaze.

She capped her swab and set it down. Her eyes narrowed in what she hoped was gentle scrutiny. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?" It came out as a simple, curious question just as she had hoped.

He frowned for a moment and leaned back down to continued swabbing. "Sorry."

She let out a short laugh. "You don't need to apologize. It was a question."

"Well," he paused, "I don't know."

"You look like you need to say something to me," she said and immediately regretted it. It sounded like she was fishing. Which, she was.

He looked up at her curiously. "Do I?"

Sara glanced from side to side and her facial expression couldn't possibly have hid her amusement, though she was unsure why she found it amusing in the first place. "Ah, I don't know Grissom, do you?"

He considered her for a moment. "No."

"OK," she said and pressed her lips together to keep herself from saying anything else.

They stared at each other for a moment until Grissom leaned down and continued working. So, Sara did as well. She couldn't help it, but after a moment, she could feel it coming. The words that she couldn't keep to herself. The words that she _should_ keep to herself were rising in her throat and would slip out any moment, spilling all over their companionable quiet and staining it.

To her surprise, just as she was about to talk, his thick voice filled the quiet space. "So the guy from dayshift," he said, still swabbing and keeping his gaze far from hers, "is he nice?"

Sara was stunned, to say the least. Discomfort trickled over her like cold water and she froze, unsure of how to answer. Clearly, Danny was nice. Of course she thought he was nice. Why couldn't she just say yes? Grissom looked up at her with maddening composure and raised his eyebrows in question.

"Yeah, he's nice," Sara finally said lamely.

Grissom nodded and looked back down, returning to work. Another moment passed and he cleared his throat. "You two have a lot in common?"

Sara shifted uneasily and was glad he wasn't looking at her. She was also quiet mortified that such easy questions were affecting her this way. "Yeah, I guess. I mean… we have San Francisco in common."

"So do we," he basically muttered without skipping a beat. An excruciatingly uncomfortable silence followed and he stopped what he was doing. Looking down at the blanket with no small amount of embarrassment, he said, "I don't know where I was going with that. I'm sorry."

An overwhelming sense of sympathy came over her, as well as confusion and disbelief. Grissom said things like that sometimes and he probably had a vague sense of how it affected her. But he never _apologized_. He simply moved on as if he hadn't said anything at all. She supposed it was always easier for him to move on quickly because then it appeared as though his comments didn't matter or didn't really mean anything significant. This was a first. Never before had she seen regret on his face like that. She hated it because she didn't like seeing him embarrassed. She loved it because it made him quite vulnerable.

"It's OK. Really," she said in the most casual tone she could muster in that moment. He shrugged and continued working, leaving Sara with the need to fill the silence. She took a deep breath and quietly asked him, "Does it bother you?"

He didn't answer right away; he just continued working and Sara hoped he wouldn't run out of places to swab because if he didn't have a distraction, she figured he would be a lot less likely to open up.

"I don't suppose I have the right to be bothered."

She rolled her eyes with frustration, but responded gently, "That's not what I asked, though."

He sighed, but had no reply.

"Grissom, if I'm honest…" she paused, trying to decide if she really wanted to say what she was about to say. She chose to finish her thought, feeling confident that she would regret it if she _didn't_, "If I knew you were dating someone, especially someone that worked here, it would probably bother me."

He stopped swabbing and his eyes seemed to float away from the blanket. Slowly, he raised his head and locked his eyes with hers. She felt momentarily off balance as she watched his eyebrows come together in concern. "So you _are_ dating him?"

She didn't really think whether or not she was dating Danny was in question, so she frowned in confusion. "Well, yeah. For a few weeks. We haven't really—" she stopped when she saw his face change abruptly to curious unease to dismal realization. He wasn't looking at her anymore. His gaze had drifted to an empty space somewhere between his eyes and the table.

She had her answer.

"Grissom—"

He snapped out of his thought quickly and looked at his watch. "It's almost four."

"So?"

He looked at her. "Can you finish up here? I have to meet Brass."

A sigh of defeat slipped past her lips as she watched him bag his gloves. Nonetheless, she tried to keep her response indifferent. "Yeah, sure."

"Let me know if you find anything," Supervisor Grissom said. But his jaw clenched and he still looked uneasy. He looked at her for a moment, as if reconsidering his sudden transformation. Then, he looked away and left the room, leaving a very confused and slightly irritated Sara in his wake.


	4. Chapter 4

Sara retreated to the break room to wait for her test results. Sitting at the table with her head in her hand, she stared inattentively at the microwave and tried not to contemplate Grissom. It wasn't really of much use, though. He always did these things to her. He said things that needed explaining, but didn't explain them. He rushed off. It was cowardly and it infuriated her. The longer she thought about it, the angrier she became. Sure, she was trying to get over him and if she was honest with herself, that was her job. And she was doing a pretty good job, she thought. So why was this bothering her so much?

"Yoohoo!"

A hand was waving in front of her face

"CSI Sidle!"

She realized how absent she was and how tense her facial muscles were. Sara relaxed and looked up to find Danny holding out a mug to her, with a crooked smile on his face.

"I hope you weren't having one of those absence seizures," he said and sat down beside her as she took the mug from him.

"Thank you and no, I was just… deep in thought."

"What were you thinking 'bout?" he asked cheerfully and grabbed the sports magazine in front of him. He began flipping through it and looked up at her curiously. "Sorry, don't mean to be nosy."

"No, it's ok. I was just thinking about a case," she lied and decided to change the subject, "It's after six. I thought you would be gone by now."

"I was on my way out. Saw you in here."

"I see."

A moment of silence passed by as he flipped through the magazine and she sipped the coffee he had offered her. He didn't look like he was reading or paying much attention. He looked a little nervous and she smiled, finding it endearing. His hand was tapping the table and his right leg was twitching anxiously. She took a moment and watched him, to see if he would notice her admiring him, but he didn't. She pressed her lips together and playfully put her hand on his thigh. His eyes shot to hers and then to her hand.

She laughed. "Cut it out."

"My bad," he said softly and closed the magazine.

"Is everything OK?" she asked and pulled her hand away, not wanting to seem too suggestive.

He took a deep breath and held it for a second, then let it out at length. "Everything is A-OK."

"You wanted to talk to me about something."

His head cocked to the side and his lips puckered comically. "Right."

"And that something would be…"

Sara stared and Danny stared back. She felt oddly confident and amused by the interaction, which was a welcome relief from how she generally felt when interacting with Grissom. Feeling playful, she nudged his thigh with her knee and gave him a crooked smile.

"Dan, what's up?"

A slow and magnificent smile came across his tan, rough features. He then bit his lip, which Sara found rather sexy, and ran a hand through his sandy blonde hair. Sara suddenly wanted to run her hand through it herself. She looked at him, then to the side. With impeccable timing, Grissom walked into the break room and nodded at her.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt," he said handing her a manila folder and glancing at Danny. "Test results are back."

She flipped open the manila folder and scanned the results with a sigh.

"Whatever you were looking for was nowhere to be found. I'm sorry," he told her with a sort of sympathetic but completely professional tone.

"Hey Grissom," Danny said casually, "How are things?"

"Can't complain," Grissom said kindly, but she could sense the deliberate briefness in his tone.

"Thanks Griss," Sara responded with perfect friendliness. But she felt awkward as hell.

He nodded and an unbearable wave of discomfort washed over her and him, and maybe even Danny (she couldn't tell, he was rarely ruffled). The silence prevailed for an indeterminate time.

Finally Grissom sighed and said, "Well, I'll be in my office if you need me."

"OK," Sara said quickly, glad he was leaving.

When he left, Danny looked at her with curiosity. "That guy is so odd."

Sara found herself staring at Danny blankly. Affection and admiration for the man who had just left the room came over her and she fought the urge to defend him.

"Something about him, I don't know what it is…" Danny continued and Sara swallowed hard, trying desperately not to get offended. "Just, odd"

Sara huffed and said lightly, "The way he is… makes him an incredible criminalist."

Danny smiled. "Incredible. Of course."

Sara shrugged casually. After another wave of silence, she cocked her head to the side. "So… what were you going to ask me?"

"Ah yes…"

"Thought you got out of it, huh?"

Danny chuckled and began sweeping the magazine back and forth on the table. "OK, I _do_ have a question, but I'm pretty sure you're gonna say 'no'"

"Well, you'll never know unless you ask."

"Right. Well. I noticed… that you are off this weekend…"

Sara nodded. "I am."

"So am I, you know."

Sara couldn't help the smile that spread on her face. She wondered why he was so hesitant all of a sudden to ask her out and decided that it must be something more.

"Yeah, go on," she urged him with a smile.

"What I wanted to know is," he paused, "I know we have only been dating for a few weeks so I don't want you to take this too seriously. I'm not trying to rush anything…"

Sara's eyes scrunched together in genuine confusion. "Danny! What?"

"OK, my cousin has a timeshare at Moss Beach in California. He can't make it and it's his week. He wanted to give it to me. I'm gonna go this weekend. I was hoping you would come along," Danny said, so quickly she had to rethink every word he said. After a pause he said slowly, "I think… it would be fun."

Sara looked down at the table in thought. Honestly, she hadn't expected this. She really had to think if it was something she wanted to do. She didn't know Danny all that well and going off to California with him was probably a big step. On the other hand, the idea of seeing California again and getting away from Vegas seemed like a great idea. Perhaps getting away for a while would help eradicate those remaining feelings of guilt and confusion. The ones that still managed to keep her awake, thinking, always thinking. Never resting. And maybe the extra time with Danny would help her forget about Grissom, too.

Well, it didn't hurt to _try_.

She realized she had been staring down at the table for a while so she looked up at Danny. His face was a mix between uncertainty and excitement. He bit his lip again and did a sort of wince-slash-smile.

"I could teach you how to surf…" he said with a smile, but his leg began the annoying twitch again.

Her hand jetted out landed on his thigh. "If you stop that… I'll say yes."

A goofy smile spread across his face and he let out a choked laugh. "Awesome! Deal."

"OK," she paused and smiled sweetly, "and I already know how to surf."

"Of course you do." A gentle moment passed between them. He smiled softly and said with sincerity, "We're going to have a great time, I promise." He got up and added, "You wanna get some dinner with me?"

As if on cue, Sara yawned deeply. "Thanks, but I think I need to get a few hours of sleep in before my shift starts."

"OK. Well, I'll take care of the plane tickets and everything and give you a call tonight," said Danny and his hand gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. She was glad he didn't attempt anything else, because she wasn't a fan of public affection in the workplace. However, she found herself with a silly smile as he paused at the door and gave her a rather seductive wink, then said before leaving, "Dream of me."

Somehow, her mind couldn't quite gather what had just occurred. Was she really going on a mini-break with a guy she had been casually dating for two weeks? _Why_ was she doing it? What was the real reason? She tried to ignore the little voice that continued to tell her that everything had to do with Gil Grissom.

After work that morning, Sara decided she would tell Grissom about her little trip. She didn't want him calling her while she was in California. Usually on her weekends off, she ended up coming in anyway so he had no reason to think differently this time. It was Friday and Danny had called her to let her know they had a flight out that night, so Grissom didn't have much notice, but oh well… it was her weekend off after all and she deserved it.

She hoped that Grissom would deduce that she was going off with Danny. It would drive home the fact that she was trying to move on and that she was trying not to let him affect her so much.

Her resolve seemed to diminish slightly when she caught sight of him in his office. He was sitting in his chair, leaning back with a book in his hand. His glasses were perched on the tip of his nose and he looked adorably studious. He hadn't seemed to notice her standing in the doorway, so she rapped lightly on the frame. He looked up at her and slid a bookmark between the pages of his book.

"Hey," he said, taking his glasses off, "What's up?"

She swallowed and neared the desk, noticing a copy of Homer's _The Odyssey_ with a bookmark placed just halfway through the old, tattered pages. She wondered if there was a reason why he was reading this particular book, but decided against asking him. After all, she was here for a reason and any sidetracking would be a bad idea.

"I need to talk to you about something," she said straightforwardly, not bothering to sit down.

"Sure," he responded, leaning forward on his desk. He was acting predictable, as if nothing significant had transpired between them, as if there was nothing left to be said. She felt like it should make her angry, but she was too exhausted of this routine so she just clenched her jaw and pressed forward.

"I'm off this weekend," she said, placing her hands in her pockets casually.

"Yeah," he nodded as if he just remembered the fact, "I know."

"Well I thought it would be a good idea to let you know I was going out of town."

"Oh," he paused and considered her, then asked with obviously feigned easiness, "Where are you goin'?"

"Moss Beach."

His eyebrows rose and his chin inclined. After a moment, his eyes narrowed a bit, she didn't know why. A crooked smile crossed her face.

"It's in California," she supplied, pulling her hands out of her pockets. "Not far from San Francisco."

"Oh, I know," he said again and cleared his throat. He looked down to his hands and a small frown seemed to form.

Once Sara realized that she was actually enjoying this a little, it impacted her deeply and she felt shameful. It was obviously hurting him on some level, her casual attitude and her certainty. She never wanted to hurt him. She wasn't telling him this to hurt him. She loved him, after all. But it needed to be done. She needed to wash her hands clean of this, whatever it was, between them. It just wasn't healthy, she thought.

Silence filled the room for some time, she didn't know how long. She was too lost in her own thoughts. The sound of him clearing his throat alerted her and she looked back up from his hands where her gaze had been fixated. He was looking at her.

"You going by yourself?"

Sara shifted and looked to the side, then back at him. "No."

"Danny?"

"Yes."

"I thought so," he murmured quietly, rubbing his hands together.

Sara bit her lip and a bout of anger overcame her. There was no reason for this guilt that was streaming through her body, making her feel sick to her stomach. There was no reason why she should feel so sensitive to the uncharacteristic vulnerability rolling off of Grissom in waves.

"Well," Grissom said, placing his hands flat on the top of the desk, "I hope you have a good time."

Sara rolled her eyes and let the anger flow through her. "Do you really?" she asked, not bothering to hide her foul attitude.

Grissom's mouth fell open, as if he had an instant response, but it closed again. He opened it again, paused, and said, "I… hope you can forget about Vegas for a while."

Her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits as she considered him. She didn't really know why she was so unsatisfied with his words. She had come here, to his office, to make it known that she was moving on… hadn't she? But somehow, nothing was sitting right with her. It all felt wrong.

Grissom let out a sigh and shrugged. He looked resigned and accepting, something that perturbed her to no end. "What do you want me to say, Sara?"

Sara's frame, which had been tense, relaxed a bit and she sighed at his words. She truly hadn't expected him to sound so raw. A smile, the type of smile that could double as a frown, graced her lips and her eyes seemed to melt into gentle understanding.

"Say what's on your mind," she replied, a calm, soft plea.

He pressed his lips together as if he was trapping the words behind them and gave a half-shrug. When he opened his mouth, all that came out was a half-hearted, "Have a good time."

She stared at him for a moment, shook her head, and turned away. "See you Monday," she said when she reached the door.

"Sara, wait."

He was extracting himself from the chair when she turned around. He came over to her and closed the door lightly. Sara looked at him curiously and noticed how calm he seemed on the surface, even though he was obviously battling something rather imperative in the endless maze of his mind.

"Please, just… have a seat for a few minutes," he requested and she nodded, walking over to the chair in front of his desk and sitting.

He half-sat/half-stood against the edge of the desk right beside her, his hands clasping the wood tightly while he gathered his thoughts. She found herself nervous of what he might say, realizing that this was it. This may very well be "the" moment in their relationship and she didn't really know what that meant necessarily. It may be just what she needed to move on from him and the idea saddened her all of a sudden.

He rubbed his beard, looked her square in the eyes, and began, "A few weeks ago, you and I discussed Nick's abduction and how it affected you."

"Right."

"You said that you couldn't stop thinking about me, trapped, the way Nick had been," he paused and cleared his throat, "The truth is I haven't been able to think of much else either." After a paused, he gave a shrug and continued, "I've been thinking the same thing about you."

Grissom looked down, his hands still clutching the desk. Sara felt emotional at his admission and wanted nothing more than to throw her hands around his neck and hug him and tell him it was OK, it was all OK. But she couldn't do that so she waited for him to continue speaking.

He looked back up at her. "I care about Nick and I would certainly care if it had happened to _any_ one of us, but you…" he paused and said, at length, "Sara, you… are special to me in a way that no one else is."

Sara felt herself gasp inaudibly. Her palms felt sweaty. Her heart rate was accelerating. They were predictable reactions that always followed Grissom's rare, affectionate words.

He paused and his voice seemed to even out, as if he was gaining more confidence in his words but he looked down to the tiled floor as he continued his speech, "A few years ago, I remember, you asked me to dinner. I said no because I was unsure of what to do and you told me that one day… it would be too late."

Sara nodded even though Grissom wasn't looking at her. She cleared her throat, knowing her voice would be gruff with emotion. The memory flashed through her mind like movie clips. "I remember."

"I keep thinking about that," he said and looked up at her, his eyes meeting hers. "I put this job before everything and, I realize, there are consequences for that."

Sara bowed her head and frowned. "So that's why you've been hiding in your office."

She watched as Grissom's feet shifted. "I suppose so, yes. I've spent some time coming to terms with it."

A moment passed. It wasn't uncomfortable, just silent. Sara attempted to digest Grissom's words and seriously considered the fact that she could be asleep at the break room table, dreaming this up. It wasn't like Grissom to admit things like this and although she was thankful for his words, she couldn't come to terms with them, herself.

Grissom shifted on the edge of the desk and said softly, "Look… I don't want you to think that this is my eleventh hour attempt at keeping you here, away from another man. And I'm not trying to appeal to your sense of guilt, though I can understand why you would think that." A small, sad smile crossed his face as he ducked his head.

His voice lowered, as if he was talking to himself, a mere afterthought, "No, I… I know I've missed out."

Sara looked up at him and her eyes widened more than she would have liked. She suddenly remembered telling him that she "looked for validation in inappropriate places" because the same look that he had on his face that night after she said that, he had now. She couldn't explain it, but she felt almost embarrassed by his rather candid speech. Perhaps she felt embarrassed because he _looked_ embarrassed, but to his credit he let the silence between them, however unpleasant, spread out until she was ready to speak.

Finally, she found her voice and said, "Well, I think I have gotten more out of you in the last ten minutes than I have gotten in the last seven years." In her discomfort, she gave a quick, strained chuckle and he shrugged it off. Sara sighed and spread her fingers out over her denim-clad thighs. "Though, if I'm honest, I still don't know what any of it means…"

He unclasped his hands and threw them up, a clear sign that he was still at a loss. "Me either," he said sadly.

Sara felt sad herself, because what she felt she needed from him was some assurance that he knew what he wanted and that he wouldn't leave her in such question anymore. He could have told her that he knew what it meant, that he knew what _he_ meant and that he knew what _she_ meant to him and Sara would have dropped everything, every insecurity. But he couldn't do that and she surmised, he probably never would. This conversation in itself had been a stretch for him. Her heart was bruised and tired and what she needed from him, he wouldn't give. He was too unsure to reassure her.

So she swallowed and stood up in front of him. He looked up at her, his eyelids heavy. He seemed calm, but his eyes looked anxious.

"Then," she said, her voice threatening to crack, "I don't know, I…" She paused, and after an intake of breath, "I guess I'll see you Monday."

He looked at her steadily, and then nodded, his eyes darting downward. It felt cruel, but she didn't know what else to do and she couldn't possibly cry in front of him. She wouldn't allow herself to do that, so she needed to leave him.

As her hand touched the doorknob, she cleared her throat and turned to Grissom one last time. His head was bowed in thought. She felt the dire need to explain herself more, explain why she was walking away. "I just," she paused as he raised his head, "I have to get off this rollercoaster, Grissom."

His mouth opened, but no words came out. He simply nodded his understanding. Sara turned away and walked out of his office, hoping the hot, desert air would warm the painful chill that had suddenly enveloped her.

**A/N:** OK, seriously, these kind of conversations are infamously difficult to write because we never hear them this deeply and probably never will so if you found yourself thinking… "Grissom would totally _not_ say that" well, lol, you may be right. But I tried!! I hope you liked it. I can't imagine Sara just letting him off the hook completely. I mean, come on, he had to do _some_ soul bearing.

I think there is one more chapter left, which I will try to post in a few days. There are some revisions that need to be dealt with in between final exam studying (naughtiness coming your way). Thanks for reading, guys! 3


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I'm a total idiot. I should have posted this here long ago, but I posted it on Geekfiction and _totally_ forgot about ffnet. I say again, I'm dumb and deserve to be stoned. Alas, the final chapter is here though and I hope you do enjoy the conclusion. I tried to tone it down some for this site, but I may have failed miserably. Therefore... **If you aren't interested in reading mature material... don't. **And if you want the slightly more erotically worded version, head on over to Geekfiction.

"Well, you pack light."

Sara smiled as she turned around to lock her apartment door. "I hate checking my baggage."

Dan nodded and grabbed her small, black duffel bag. "As long as you packed a bathing suit you should be good to go."

Sara looked at him for a moment and managed a grin. He looked so excited, so glowing that her guilt weighed her down even more. She wasn't feeling at all excited and she certainly wasn't glowing thanks to her conversation with Grissom. She was feeling doubtful and confused and the things that Grissom said just a few hours earlier kept replaying in her head, spurring a gruesome headache. Deep down she knew that obligation was the only thing keeping her tied to this trip with Dan, but she didn't have the heart to back out.

Silently, she followed him to his car and entered the passenger's seat. Dan entered a moment later and looked over at her with his eyebrow raised.

"You OK?" he asked casually, a grin following his words.

"Oh, I'm fine. Absolutely," Sara responded, the words sounding unbelievable to her own ears. She smiled and felt shitty.

Dan just looked at her for another moment, shrugged, and put the car in drive. As they drove to the airport, Dan talked nervously about the beach and the things they could do over the weekend and Sara guiltily tuned him out. Grissom was all she could think of and it would be pointless for her, she thought, to try and think of anything else because ultimately he would seep back in.

What Grissom wanted escaped her completely, but the more she thought about their conversation, the more she realized how much he had really offered her. He really had given her more feeling, more emotion, in those ten minutes than he had the entire time she had known him. So something had clearly changed in him.

An involuntary smile crept across her face when she realized, begrudgingly, how much she really adored him and no matter how much she wanted to hear certain words… it just wasn't Grissom. To accept the fact that he would never pour his heart out for her, was to accept _him_ and she had accepted him long ago. So what did she really want? She dissected his words over and over again and the realization that she had no real interest in getting off the rollercoaster.

"Sara?"

Sara's head snapped to the side to find Dan looking at her with irritating, but understandable concern. She was about to ask him to pull the car over and he was probably going to be angry, but there was no way she could go with him now.

"You spaced out," he said and paused as she ran a hand over her forehead trying to massage the headache out. "I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to go with me to California after all…" His tone sounded casual, as usual, but there was a anxiousness behind then that could not be masked.

"Danny, I'm sorry…'

"Damn…"

"…I really am, but I can't go," Sara said quietly, trying not to sound like she pitied him, because she didn't, but she always found it difficult to turn people down without sounding that way.

Dan pulled the car over to the side of the road and parked it. He looked over at her, his expression a mix between confusion and frustration. He unbuckled his belt so that he could turn to her fully, his arm coming behind her head, his left hand resting on the steering wheel grasping it nervously. Sara tried to gauge his reaction, but couldn't.

Finally, he spoke, his voice smooth and light. "I know, this was probably pretty sudden. We've only been dating a few weeks, I don't know what I was thinking…"

"No, it's not—"

He ignored her and stared past her, still rambling, "I was rushing things. Stupid me. I just like you a lot and I think we have a lot in common." His eyes landed on hers and his fingers started to play with her hair lightly. "Don't you think we have fun?"

Sara nodded, slightly uncomfortable.

"Good," he said, turning back around to face the front of the car.

"It's not that we don't have fun, I just…" she paused, looked down at her hands, then back up at him. She was unable to wipe the wince that was forming on her face. "I'm not ready for a relationship…"

The smile that had been on his face, slowly slipped away and grudgingly, Sara started to pity him.

"I have a lot of baggage, Dan," she said quietly and let out a long sigh.

A long, uncomfortable moment passed and finally Dan looked over at her.

"Like… other-man-baggage?"

She didn't know why, but she let out a short laugh. "Does it even matter?"

"Hey, I'm the one being dumped. So, yeah, it does."

She stared at him for a moment, then shrugged, unable to lie but unable to talk about it to him. He gave a frown, then nodded.

"I see," he said and put the key into the ignition, then buckled his seatbelt. He gave short, exaggerated sigh. "Well then, I'll just take you home."

"I'm sorry…" she said quietly, not sure if she really was sorry anymore.

Dan shrugged, without looking at her and pulled out onto the empty street.

Fifteen minutes later, she was standing in her kitchen, helping herself to a beer and trying to formulate some semblance of a plan. Something had to be done about Grissom. They couldn't go on like this anymore. They would never get over one another as long as they worked side by side, and she didn't want to leave. She wanted him, whatever he would give. She wondered if that made her weak, but decided that ultimately it didn't matter much. She would rather have Grissom and feel weak, then not have him and feel miserable about it. Pining after a man for so long was exhausting. She realized that she had stopped pining for him some time ago, but it had only escalated into an aching love. Even if she moved on with a man, like Dan, Grissom would always be in the back of her mind somewhere. He had found a very comfortable place there, whether he wanted to or not, and he wasn't going anywhere no matter what she tried.

Sara groaned and emptied her duffel bag onto the bed. She began returning things to their proper places, for lack of anything better to do. Her headache was becoming debilitating, so she brushed her teeth and slipped out of her jeans and into her favorite nightgown, a small black T-shirt with a faded graphic of the Milky Way, a gift from a friend in college.

She glided between the cool sheet and her head hit the pillow. The sudden urge to cry overcame her, but she didn't. Instead, she slipped into slumber.

Ten hours later, she awoke with a start. Automatically, her brain began to search for possible solutions to her problems and she groaned. The light was seeping through the dark curtains. She had slept through the night, something she wasn't accustomed to doing, but her exhaustion was gone and her stress seemed to be strangely dissipating.

The only real solution she had come up with was that she was going to have to make a pass at Gil Grissom… again. And if he denied her, well, she would deal with it then. But she hadn't gotten where she was now without taking a few risks along the way. And honestly, she was feeling pretty confident that Grissom wanted it as badly as she did and that maybe he was finally getting the guts to face it.

She called the CSI building to ask if Grissom was still at work and Judy confirmed that he had left about an hour ago. Sara showered, dressed, and ate absolutely nothing, her stomach too nervous to hold down even a potato chip.

It was roughly noon when she arrived at Grissom's building. Butterflies flitted around in her stomach when she spotted his car, but she pressed on and somehow landed on his doorstep. She raised a hand to the door and knocked quietly. After a moment, she heard footsteps and Grissom opened the door to her.

He looked absolutely taken aback to see her on his doorstep, but he quickly regained composure and greeted her, "Hi."

"Hey."

She looked at him for a second, taking in his casual attire. She wasn't used to seeing him in jeans or a T-shirt and she was certain she had never seen him barefoot. It was adorable and her heart sped up.

"You're not in California," Grissom said, almost humorously.

Sara grinned. "Obviously."

They stared at each other for a moment and Grissom cleared his throat. "Come in…" He stepped aside and Sara passed by him. His unique smell surrounded her, arousing her in a way she didn't think possible.

Sara's heart was pounding in her ears but the words "now or never" were louder and as soon as Grissom closed the door and turned around to face her, she closed in on him, her lips covering his, her hands sliding to the back of his head. She had expected the kiss to stand still, at least for a moment, while he processed what she was doing, but it didn't. He reciprocated immediately, with more force than even she had intended to give. She felt his hands land on her hips as his mouth opened slightly.

To Sara's surprise, he took over the kiss completely. He wetly kissed her top and bottom lip, nipping it, then slid his tongue between them. Sara groaned unintentionally and he squeezed her hips, turning her around against the wall. She could feel herself involuntarily grind up against him and he pressed his very obvious erection into her.

Sara wasn't able to think much, but she could honestly say to herself, that this raw and animalistic side of Gil Grissom was not at all what she was expecting when she had parked her car in his guest parking spot. But, she certainly was enjoying it.

She had no idea how long they kissed this way, but he broke away from her quickly, his hands coming up on either side of her head and planting themselves on the wall. He was out of breath and his eyes were locked tightly on hers. He began shaking his head from side to side and she watched him intently, dreading the words that were trying to slip past his lips. She prayed they wouldn't be regretful.

"I'm…" he sighed, closed his eyes, reopened them, and licked his lips. His eyes locked with hers again. It was almost intimidating, but she couldn't remember the last time she felt this thrilled. She realized he was looking for some confirmation that what they were doing was OK with her.

She lost all interest in what he was about to say. Sara bit her lip and grinned and her right hand fell down his chest and landed on his belt. It lingered there and Grissom's eyebrow rose. He looked down at her hand, then back up at her. The slightest grin appeared on his face and he pulled her head closer to his, his lips enveloping hers once again.

They kissed slowly this time as Sara undid his belt and pulled it from the loops. Grissom began moving her backwards, his lips barely leaving hers and she gave him a squeeze through his jeans. He gasped into her mouth and she smiled. They made it to his bedroom without Sara really even realizing it. The blinds were closed; making it rather dim, but the Sara could still make out the comfortable blue paint on the walls and the modern, tasteful decorations about his bedroom as he lowered her onto his bed. His lips finally left hers as he stood up to open his nightstand drawer. Sara smiled, closed the drawer and shook her head. He looked at her, searching her face, then grinned, understanding her that they didn't actually need that form of contraceptive. She felt trusted, which seemed to fuel her arousal even more.

Grissom straddled her on the bed and bent down to kiss her again. He started at her lips, planting sweet, wet kisses there and moved down her neck. His hands moved to the bottom hem of her shirt and she lifted her arms so he could slowly pull it off and away. After he threw the shirt to the side, he looked at her. She felt like he was looking through her. His eyes were so serious and intent as his fingers made gentle movements underneath her breasts, teasing her at the edge of the black bra she was wearing. A shiver passed over her and she could see Grissom's small grin as he bent down and kissed her breasts, skillfully lifting her and removing the bra. After that, he lifted her ass and slid her pants down. She kicked them off fully, along with her socks and shoes and watched Grissom's eyes roam over her almost naked body.

Sara was feeling rather exposed, especially because he was almost fully clothed in a gray T-shirt and worn blue jeans. Choosing to surprise him by taking control, Sara pushed his chest and forced him to roll over on the bed. Grissom let out a grunt and his eyes widened. She took a second to take him in because she had never seen him this way. He was ruffled and aroused and probably dazed. After grinning and even giggling a little, Sara straddled him, just as he had done her and lifted his shirt from his body. It had to take an enormous amount of control for him to remain still as she straddled his wasit. His hands landed on her hips and he squeezed desperately when her fingers reached the hair below his navel. She scrapped her nails just under the band of his jeans and Grissom bit his lip. A moan escaped his lips and Sara practically melted. He must have felt her weaken because he took the opportunity to roll her back over. They lay, side by side, facing each other, closer than they had ever been. The sudden realization of this hit Sara and she could feel herself wanting to weep.

When Grissom was completely naked, he rolled back towards Sara and looked at her in the eyes. He looked vulnerable and Sara added that to the list of emotions she had never seen from him before this very day. Sara was just about to consider how paramount this was, when she realized how close to the edge his intuitive movements had her.

"OK?" she heard him say, quietly and as patiently as always, but she could feel the haste in his touch.

Sara nodded frantically, biting her lip. She was so aroused, it was beginning to hurt.

Sara closed her eyes and listened to his breathing, concentrated on his even movements, how he smelled and felt, the feel of his beard on her skin. He smelled the same way he had always smelled, but she had never been this close to him. Something under the simple smell of clean laundry was something mysterious and desirable and masculine. He smelled the same way he felt. Delicate on the surface, but strong and masculine underneath. It was utterly intoxicating. All of it.

It all felt so unbelievable perfect and right, she didn't want it to end. When his breathing became erratic and he let out a low moan followed by the whisper of her name, it was Sara's unraveling. There was something so stirring about such a disciplined man losing himself in another person, like Grissom was losing himself in her. The way she had always wanted him to. She could feel his body tensing with each passing second and just as she was coming back down to Earth, she was surrounded by the sensastions of him letting go completely. Moments passed and his movements slowed to a halt. He rolled over but remained still close to her; his right hand rested delicately on her thigh.

Neither of them spoke, but she didn't feel uncomfortable. But she was feeling rather emotional just as she suspected she would. She just didn't want release those emotions on Grissom, at least not until she could gauge his reaction.

Sara ran her fingers down his right arm and she squeezed the hand that was resting on her thigh. She turned her head to look at him. To her surprise, he was staring at her. He looked light and, well, like he had just gotten laid and she couldn't help but feel amused. His eyes were bright and a small smile was on his face.

She smiled at him and asked, her voice quiet and weightless, "Bathroom?"

He swallowed and waited a moment before pointing to a door on the wall to her right. "Right there."

"Be right back…"

Feeling especially vulnerable, she grabbed the throw blanket at the end of the bed and wrapped it around herself. She looked back at him to find him still grinning. She grinned back and went into the bathroom.

When she opened the door, she found him still on the bed. Her clothes were laid out for her on the bed and he had smoothed the covers out a bit. He had his hands behind his head and he was staring at the ceiling, but as soon as she walked over he sat up and leaned on his elbows. He looked at her with more severity this time and said, "You gonna stay?"

He sounded casual, but she was astute enough to detect the insecurity in his voice. She gave him a smile again. It was small and it probably looked sad.

"If you want me to."

He looked at her a moment, his expression unchanging, then surprised her by smiling suddenly and pulling back the comforter beside him. He patted the bed and she laughed a little, sliding in between the blankets. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, she rested her head on his warm chest. She knew there was no reason to feel tired really, but she was so comfortable she began to feel sleepy. His fingers played with her hair and she could feel him thinking about what to say.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"You don't have to say anything," she said lightheartedly, "…yet."

After a moment, she could feel him relaxing and they dozed off together in the dim light of the room.

When she woke, she had the sudden feeling of not knowing where she was. It left her when she turned her head to see Grissom asleep on his side, his face to her. She felt his hand on her stomach and the other arm was tucked under his head. She stared at him, amazed by the fact that any of this had happened at all. She always wanted to be close to Gil Grissom, but it wasn't until this moment that she realized that she never thought it would actually happen. But here they were, napping on his king-sized bed, naked as the setting sunlight crept through his wooden blinds.

Grissom's eyes fluttered open and immediately focused on Sara. Their eyes locked and he said groggily, "How long have you been watching me sleep?"

Sara grinned. "Just a few hours."

His eyebrows lifted in question.

"Kidding," she said and she draped her hand over his under the blanket.

After a moment of pure silence and stillness, Sara started to become aware of the reality of the situation. She stared at the ceiling, contemplating what to do, what Grissom would say or think or feel. Would he declare it a mistake? Now that he had slept on it, would he come to his normal senses? She could feel the worry on her face and she bit the inside of her mouth. The mattress dipped slightly and Grissom's hand moved across her stomach tenderly.

"Hey?" he said and she looked up at him. He was leaning on his left elbow, his head in his hand. "You look terrified."

His voice was soothing, but it was different. She had never heard this tone before and it gave her pause.

"Aren't you?" she asked, her voice a tad shaky.

Grissom frowned and considered her for a moment. She could see him thinking about what to say. Just when she figured he was coming up short, he said, "Yes. But it feels good."

Sara couldn't help but smile.

He delicately pushed hair out of her eyes and asked sincerely, "Are you going to be able to put up with me?"

Sara laughed at this, because honestly, did he think she would say no? He smiled himself but his face changed suddenly and he added sadly, "I don't always say the things I need to say and I'll try to curve that, but I don't think I will ever really change."

Sara sighed and touched his face with her own fingers. "I don't want you to."

Grissom leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Sara wanted to cry, it was so sweet. It was satisfying how little had been said but how much had been understood in that moment. He pulled back and looked at her, his eyes saying everything he never would be able to. And really, that was all she needed.

End.

Thanks for reading everyone and once again, sorry for the delay.


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